Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
