Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize
