roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
