she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
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