Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
