Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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