drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
