Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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