FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
