I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
