I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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