I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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