Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Randomize
