I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
