I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I have fence marks all over my body
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
