I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
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