Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize