I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Randomize
