It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
