Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
cat food counts as protein by the way
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
