Swine flu. Run for my life!
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
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