hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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