I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
