I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
And then my night got REAL pukey
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Randomize
