She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
