well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
