A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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