Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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