***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Randomize
