I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Randomize
