We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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