I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
