I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Randomize
