I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
