oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
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