Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
His hands were made for my vagina.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
