sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
