Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
