There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Did we literally take a cab across the street
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize