were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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