imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
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