...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Randomize
