make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
