fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
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