Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Come see our sink grown plant.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Randomize
