Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Randomize
