I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
This is classic penis vs brain.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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