your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
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