my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
What a dumb baby whore.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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