There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
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