Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Mom said you looked used
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
