what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize