Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Randomize
