I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
