I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Randomize