I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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