The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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