you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Randomize
