so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
