I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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