make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Pants are for mortals
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
