I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Randomize
