I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
you guys were way drunker than both of me
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
