hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Randomize
