My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
