i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
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