he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
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