I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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