I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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