You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Dick very happy bro
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Randomize
