omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
