i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Randomize
